It’s my first four days without my daughter – well, that’s not completely true…I’ve been away for work before…but this time it’s different. She’s with her Dad and away from our home. That’s new. I’m not needed in any way – or at least not in the way that consumes my days when my daughter is with me. There are some upsides: I can go to the bathroom on my own! I’ll only have to get one person dressed and out of the house in the morning (we’ll see if that means I get to work earlier or not!!) – there’s no questions or talking or requests to join in some game. But, it’s quiet and a little lonely. I’m thankful for the dog who is still here to greet me with her unconditional love and enthusiasm to see me.
The time apart seems to stretch out for ages in front of me – yet I know I’ll look back on it only too soon. I want to use this time to feed my soul – to take care of myself so that when my daughter is back, I can take care of her well too. I want to keep building the best life for both of us.

But I’m feeling pretty scared – fearful of this time that is up to just me to direct and fill, and how well I’ll do at making the most of it – and fearful of how my daughter will return…the potential sadness she might have of returning from being with him and her grandparents, the feeling that I might be not enough for her or her choice. That last one brings tears – I’m no longer my husbands choice for a life partner and that has rocked my world…what if my daughter wouldn’t chose me now either? What if…
Indeed – what if. However, I’m not going to let what ifs fill my days – there is joy to be had, people to hang out with, things to do that give me life, there are some positive what ifs and I’m going to focus on a couple and turn them into action these few days!