It’s been quite a couple of weeks – some ups where I’ve felt on top of things, with control over some situations, good relationships around me – to lows that felt like they would last forever and sucked all life out of my soul.

I need to stop and write more – I’ve misplaced my journal, so this electronic journal will have to suffice. It’ll be more edited than the written one, but at least it will be a space in which to capture thoughts and be able to remember where I was…and hopefully see how I’ve grown and transformed!

Today is the start of a weekend with the kid. I was nervous that it would be filled with “I miss Daddy”s and “I just want Daddy to be here”…I can embrace those feelings, get alongside them and acknowledge them for the first few times…maybe even the first 10 times, but when it turns into 20 and 30 times with no end in sight…that’s hard and I’ve been finding myself with no answers and very few resources. The words start to feel like arrows into my heart, filtered until all I hear is “your not enough” and “I don’t want you, I want someone else”.

But this evening has been full of fun, friends, laughter (both with our friends and just together) – it’s been good. I’m not naive enough to think that this is a harbinger of how the weekend will be…but I am wise enough (at least in this moment!) to take this moment, be grateful for it and treasure it. Life is built of many, many moments and I want to make sure that these good ones are deeply recorded for the onset of the storm.