Friends asked me after court how I was doing and I would think for a minute and answer “fine”. I wasn’t weepy, I didn’t feel overwhelmed (at least not most of the time)…there were no huge emotions. Then I realized I wasn’t feeling anything… I was numb. It was how I coped, I guess. It seems such a clean, simple event – there was very little fighting, we agreed things fairly easily, the court attendance was scary but straight forward and I managed not to cry while sitting in the witness box. I was numb – that was the only way I could carry myself after stating to the judge that there were irreconcilable differences in my marriage and I was requesting a divorce. I was asking for something that wasn’t my first choice – I felt like I’d been pushed into the corner and it was my only option that gave me some control over the situation.

Control…sometimes that’s over-rated. It doesn’t always bring peace and certainty! This part is done – now we wait for paperwork and then more filing and dealing with changing titles etc. It stretches on out! Having lost my Dad in no way prepared me for the death of my marriage – with death, the person is gone, there’s no-one physically left her to get angry at. Not so here – there’s the trauma of the death of the relationship, however the person is not out of the picture, especially with a kid involved! I’m hoping that once the numbness passes, the grieving process will be quick.