Today I spent a couple of hours in the front garden. In the heat of the late afternoon it wasn’t my top pick of where to be, but it needed some attention – grass to cut, weeds to pull, some large ferns to chop down. It looks a lot better than it did, though still could use weed eating around the fence and flower beds along with finishing pulling weeds…rain stopped play!

I have a circular walled flower bed in the garden…it looks great when it’s tidy, but was severely overgrown. The culprit was some form of ivy-like plant that had spread across the whole circle. It had twisted itself around the branches of my rose bush and it took quite a bit of time to loosen it. As I spent a good while there clearing it, gently pulling, cutting and unraveling it, I got thinking about life in general, and of course my life in particular!

• It is so easy for something invasive and damaging to take over and cover the beauty in life…in this case the failure of my marriage and the feeling that I’ve lost who I am.
• It’s gonna take time to unravel things and find out all the parts that have been touched by this. You think you’ve got it all and then you find another offshoot!
• There’s patience and tenderness needed in the separating and clearing – there were many, many twists as the weed sought to wrap fully around the bush. It takes time, intention and kindness…oh, that dreaded time!
• There were times I had to trust in the strong roots of the rose bush as I pulled the weed off – they didn’t fail. I need to trust in my strong roots and inner ability to survive and thrive.

The rose bush was amazingly still flowering underneath the tentacles…now I (and everyone who passes my garden) can actually see it!

Here endeth the metaphor! (Sadly I didn’t take a before picture to show the amazing contrast!)

Sometimes it feels like the moment I get something, find a truth to grab onto and truly believe, life throws things at me specifically designed to shake it. It’s that old adage “one step forward, two steps back”!

Journaling has become more of a discipline these days, helping to get thoughts out of my head and putting a record of them on paper. It’s good to look back on – it definitely marks some of those steps forward. These are my own personal cairns on my path, allowing me to see where I was and where I’ve moved to…and in some cases where I need to get back to!

One of the things that’s sitting with me is embracing my identity – who am I? Someone called me sweet the other day and they meant it in a really great way (I think!) but that’s not the thing that first comes to mind when I describe myself…but what if some of these good characteristics people see in me ARE part of who I am. I have been finding that when I let my guard down and show who I am that there is joy and freedom, with a side helping of fear and vulnerability!

I’ve been also trying to focus on things that I can control – scheduling workouts (enjoying an online kickboxing class!), moving unnecessary meetings and making sure I have times with friends so I don’t turn into a recluse – have been achievements of the past week…now to just keep that up as I realize the weekend looms before me with no plans until Sunday evening!